Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Roger's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, May 6th, 2007
2:42 pm	The Untouchables is on TV... I don't have anything exciting to post about, I'm just sick of looking at my last entry everytime that I open this page. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of the things I said in there, and I still mean them I suppose. I just don't want it to be the first thing that people read on here. yep. I don't know. I no longer want to be with Molly, I guess I've been disappointed or let down sufficiently by her to not want to be back with her. Example, we've had plans like four times to watch LOST, and something always comes up - work, school, phone breaks, and she can't get back into her house to IM me cause her keys won't work. Yeah, seriously... point is - I've stopped holding my breath. I mean, maybe someday something will happen. I'm not saying that because I'm expecting or hoping it will... and Frankly, working through my trust issues with her would be quite a task in itself. I only leave it as a possibility because I'm a reasonable person and don't rule anything out. Of course, if I had more faith in my instincts and first impressions, I would have never even considered dating Molly to begin with... so, really I don't know. Whatever. Life, as it always has, goes on. And for me, it has done so slowly and sometimes painfully... but never the less - we trudge forward. I have been hanging out with Brad alot more in the past few months, its going to suck when he moves away. Most of my friends are moving away. LAME ASS!!! This summer has the potential to suck, but I will try and make the most of it. I am going to Mexico with my family for 8 days in June, and hopefully camping a few times over the summer. Yes. I haven't been able to write for school... I mean, somethings yes. Others just will not happen. No matter what I try I haven't been able to write this one paper for my History Seminar class. Tonight I will write it... I'm not sure how, but I'm not giving myself the option of not doing it. It is going to suck royally. I'm sure of it. Balls, back to work at Sears now... Hooray commerce. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: The Untouchables (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
10:18 am	The last two and half years... Me and Molly have broken up. What drove her to realize that she doesn't want to be with me is still elusive... but, at this point it doesn't matter a whole lot. For the past ten days she has treated me like total shit, and I suppose I let her walk all over me. On Wednesday, I found a "post-secret" page in her notebook which said that she cheated on me with someone, but didn't care.- among other things... She claimed to have written it for therapeutic (sp?) reasons... and I was retarded and decided to mostly buy her outlandishly wild excuse. She was otherwise decidedly non-Molly-like. She stayed out late, (not a problem in itself) but "had her phone on silent" or forgot to call... She hid everything from me when she claimed that she wanted me to trust her so we could work on things. She "wanted to work on things"... but still pushed me away. I went home for a day to get some perspective on things... and talk to my Uncle about life. His advice, combined with that of my Aunt proved very - on the money- tragically for me they were right about what was going on... I just didn't want to know it. With all of who I am, I didn't want to know it. I came back here Saturday night to see Molly... her family was in town, and I guess I just wanted to say hi. I wanted to show her without a doubt that I cared about her and wanted to be with her. Earlier that weekend I had told her that I wasn't going to bother her too much... to give her a little space. So, trying to surprise her at the play didn't go over nearly as well as I had planned. I hoped that she would be happy to see me, which I guess would be a "normal" reaction... but due to the fact that I said I would give her some space she decided to get pissed at me for "violating the agreement we had and intruding on what was supposed to be time with her and her family"... she ignored me... I was sitting with her family, not two feet away from her... and she fucking ignored me. I just don't get it. I had already made arrangements to stay at a friends house that night... I just wanted to say "hi, good job... I'll see you tomorrow". I understand why she was initially upset about me being there - I guess I had told her that I would give her space... and she couldn't see that I was only going to be there for five minutes. She just handled herself so shittily. She should have been upset with me for a minute... allowed me to explain myself... and let it go. Instead she treated me like shit for wanting to show her some support. Sunday night... we talked, and she said she was mostly sure that she didn't want to be here anymore. Later that night, while intoxicated... she agreed to try and work on things. Monday during the day we went out and saw "Ghost Rider" and got some food... went to B & N... etc. It was a good time. That evening she went to go hang out with her friend Marie. Ok, not a problem... I seriously had no problem with her hanging out with Marie for the night. Before she left Marie's to come home - she asked me if I wanted to talk to Marie, so I would believe where she was.... I declined, trusting her. She came home, grabbed a movie and then "went back to Marie's to watch it". I'd talked to her on the phone a few times that night, just to say hi... and things were not making sense. She and marie were maybe going to go to her (marie) friend's house and see a new baby. When I called to ask if Molly and Marie wanted to meet myself and Rachel for pie, Marie 'hasn't been feeling well, so they were just going to stay in'. - when she came to the house she changed clothes and got a movie -The Princess Bride. When I called her to see about the pie... They were watching "Little Miss Sunshine"... minor, yes- but weird. When I asked her about meeting us, she said "no, marie doesn't want to". I told her 'how could you know that if you didn't even ask her' and asked Molly to convey my invite to Marie... She declined, saying Marie was upstairs and couldn't talk. Just a minute before, she said "we are watching the movie", thats why she hadn't answered several of my calls and only responded via text. Feeling like someone was trying to lie to me, I asked if I could talk to Marie, as she had previously offered and Molly got really pissy about everything and told me I was being 'psycho'. I offered to wait till Marie came back downstairs... and that all I wanted to hear was "Hi"... or have her yell at me from the background- the way she usually does when she and Molly hang out. Molly still said I was being psycho... for wanting to confirm that she was there - as she had offered me to do. Feeling like a terrible liar was trying to pull something over on me... I drove around for forty minutes in the general area that I know Patrick to live in... I guess I was hoping to find her car. I did not. She called me at the end of that 40 minutes and immediately asked where I was... what I was doing. I told her the truth. She got pissed at me for 'not trusting her and being a psycho'... she told me that she was turning onto Wabash... and then a few minutes later was turning onto 5th/6th. So, given the timeline... she was around the neighborhood where I was looking. When I met her at home a few minutes later she was storming around moving her shit into the living-room. She said she couldn't "do this anymore". I pointed out that she was still acting really fucking weird, and even if she wasn't at Patrick's... she was acting like she wasn't at Marie's. That was the way she had acted for the past week... Evasive and shitty. Not having a problem repeatedly lying to someone doesn't make you a good liar - it just makes you a bad person. A good liar is someone who can lie and make you think that everything is alright. A good liar makes you believe them... In the past week Molly has done just about everything short of confessing to cheating on me... seemingly in an effort to make me hate her/break up with her. I just don't get it. I mean... what happened to make her stop treating me like a decent human being. If she wanted us to be over... she should have just done it. I know I'm not the bad guy right now... I've done everything I could think of in the past week to show my support/love/desire to be with Molly... without much help from her. Knowing that she has sabotaged this relationship doesn't make it any easier. If she asked... I would probably take her back... and continue to love her. I can't help it... she has treated me like total shit for the past week... minus a few hours on Monday when things were nice. Knowing that she has hurt me... ripped out my heart... put me in a sort of a trance for the past week. I can't eat... I can't really sleep... I'm functioning... but only sorta. Knowing all this... I don't care. I don't regret the past two and half years... I have loved Molly more than I knew I could... she has been there for me... as my friend and as my gentleman lover. (reference to Anchorman). I fucking hate the person she has been for the past ten days, but sadly I still love the Molly I have been loving for the past two years... I just don't know what happened. I can't picture my life without her. I mean... for a long time I've pictured us being married... I wasn't the only one, but that doesn't matter anymore. I've planned on growing up, growing old with Molly... having her push me around on my wheelchair... and knowing that she's been a shitty person for the past ten days doesn't make that go away. I still love her. I always will... I just... I don't know... we let it die I guess... I stopped making her feel like this is the place she wants to be, and if she doesn't want to be here... then I can't make her want it. I don't know alot of things right now. I don't know what I'm going to do for the rest of my life... career-wise that been the case for a little while, but I've had Molly to depend on for the past two years... I guess the biggest difference between us is what we value in terms of goals... she has dreams of changing the world and "making a difference" with her career and life. I had always viewed my career, not as a major deal... because I saw it as a means to provide for the things that really did matter. My job was just a way of allowing me to live the dreams that really did matter. Loving my wife and family. This is tremendously long, and probably with a lot of typo's... but, I'm going to stop now. by saying this. The one thing that I do know.... out of all of this: I will never stop loving Molly Marietta Sullivan. Current Mood: drained Current Music: the steady cracking of my heart (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 8th, 2007
10:58 am	no one reads this... I feel lost. I feel sick. I feel like Molly is taking out my heart, throwing it on the ground and doing a mexican hat dance around it. Thanks for the visual Danny Tanner. There is no way for me to know what happened between her and Patrick this weekend. She denies anything happened- and with all of who I am, I want to believe her. Unfortunately her own words have also claimed to "have cheated on me with the person I suspect and not feel guilty about it." God damnit do I want to trust her, but its as if she doesn't want me to. She closes out all of her windows, she texts in front of me and hides who it is to... she stands opposite me when I ask to see it, throwing a fit- all the while pressing buttons... and then gives me the phone and expects me to believe that there was nothing deleted. She logs out of facebook/myspace/email everytime now... not that I should be able to look into those things, but she never used to close them out. She always left it open. Last night, we looked at her facebook together and found what was a somewhat suggestive, (but just as believably harmless) message back and forth between her and Patrick... late that night she changed her password. Molly, I really feel like you are trying to get me to hate you. Last night, after you got pissed and self-righteous about me involving the person that you claimed to have cheated on me with... you asked if I wanted to hit you. What the fuck was that about? Seriously... what the hell were you thinking? Is that the response you expected from me;... or the one you wanted? I have cried about this shit.... more than I have for the past twelve years combined. You normally tear up at commercials, and this week, the only time you've seemed genuinely upset is Sunday night when I was crying next to you... and Thursday morning when you noticed that I had an opened wound on my hand from punching the ceiling of my car after finding your "secrets"... I don't even know what you were concerned about... the hand, or what I might have hit... I don't understand how you could get pissed at me for wanting to hear from Patrick on this matter. Seriously.... unless you are trying to hide something. Otherwise, I would imagine that I would be eager to say... fine, don't believe me- call Rachel... or whoever else you might think I'm screwing around with. Of course I haven't written down any deep dark secrets about cheating you and not caring. And if I ever did cheat on you... I would take some fucking responsibility for it and not try and say that I was pushed away. We all have moments of weakness... I could understand it if you said... we kissed, I'm sorry.. I don't know what to do now. I'd be really really pissed and more hurt than angry.... but at least then you would be being honest with me... not running around trying to hide things from me like I'm some fucking moron. got damnit Molly. Why can't you just tell me whats on your mind. when were you going to admit to having these "maybe" feelings for Patrick...shit. Even though I know my likelyhood is small, I want to be the one that makes you settle down. I want to light your world on fire. I don't think you feel the same way. But thats okay, because I still love you. just... be honest with me. Please... as a friend, or... whatever you want me to be - I deserve it. Current Mood: confused Current Music: Against the Wind - Bob Seger (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 13th, 2006
12:46 pm	Fine, I'll update.... Tagged by Altosven (Chris "douche-nozzle" Bogue) The Rules "Once you are tagged you MUST write an entry about 6 weird habits/things you do/odd information, as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next six people to be tagged and list their names." 1. I have a couple of sets of deer antler(s?) sitting in a box here in the house. I've had them since my grandpa was still around. I really think that I will find somehting to do with them someday, I just don't have any idea what that is. 2. When I eat a sandwich, I want that sandwich to be even on all sides, I fold meat carefully to keep it about balanced, but I can't let the meat lay/fold flat, there has to be air under the curl. 3. I haven't farted at work yet, at least not anywhere near people. This really is an extraordinary feat considering that I've put in over a thousand hours in the store. I just can't bring myself to allow it to happen. Come to think of it, I don't know if I've ever really farted around the people from M9. 4. When I'm at home (Burbank), I drive by everyone's house that I know, even if I know that they are at work, or I don't have two minutes to stop and say hi. I just miss the feeling of my best friends living five minutes away, and that is a small way that I can reconnect with that. 5. I've written hundreds of papers and essays and whatnot with three fingers and a thumb. My left index finger is the only one that I trust on the keys. I have learned the proper technique to type, but I don't like it. I just can't do it, it doesn't feel as natural. 6. Molly says that I have a strange affinity for buying things in mass quantities. It's economical, especially now that we have a basement in which to store said bulk products. Besides, I think she has a strange affinity for my dick. Well, that is six. And I have finally updated, even if it was a chain thing, and a month late.... it still counts. I will tag, Audra, Stacey, Jen, Molly, Kristin, and KT if they still read these.... Current Mood: okay Current Music: Molly's hangover moaning... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 5th, 2006
12:29 am	I feel like its late September I really should be back at school.... I also feel like someone removed my nut. My left nut, my favorite- sure it gets hit a lot more, but I think its that pain that helps with the special connection. This really sucks, I've been apart from Molly for two days-ish, and its terrible, the first two nights I was with my family, so it wasn't so bad... today I came back to Springfield from Gelena and worked for a few hours, spectacular. After work I went to 9 for a bit and hung out with 3/4 girls for a while. Now I'm sitting here talking to you instead of sleeping because then I have to be totally alone. God, this is gonna suck. Note to self- you are not allowed to get too depressed while Molly is in England. OK everyone, try and keep me sane for these few months. Yeah this post sucks, and so does my computer... it is sooooo slow, slower alright... I don't know whats goin on... see ya later Current Mood: groggy Current Music: My Sharona - yeah thats right (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 9th, 2005
1:02 am	Can I get a what what!? Ok, now that thats done. Can I get a giant "FUCK YOU MCLEAN COUNTY!" Thanks, believe me it has earned this greeting. Seriously, what the fuck? So Pat, the police officer that worked for my daddy in Burbank and was my uncle's partner in Markham was killed in a hit and run on 55 near the Towanda exit last Thanksgiving, its been a real tragedy that our whole family and our friends have been dealing with and his killer was recently on trial. As I said, killer Carlos Herrera-Juarez, 32, of Waukegan, pleaded guilty in August, and was sentenced this week to four years of probation for failing to report the accident. Part of his sentence was to serve six months in prison. For some strange reason there is a law there that allows for a judge to cut a sentence in half or something like that. The long and the short of it came to this, he was sentenced to ninety actual days in prison and when sentencing took place a few weeks ago he had already been sitting in jail since August when he plead guilty so he already had about 75 days in jail therefore, this asshole who ran from the scene of an accident was effectively sentenced to fifteen days in jail for taking the life of a police officer. In the courtroom, during the sentencing the judge referred to Pat as mister Patrick Righi-Barnard, even though he was returning home directly from being on duty and had been referred to as Officer Barnard in all other proceedings... gahhhh, shit. I get really pissed off when I think about his mother sitting in the courtroom and hearing her son referred to as Mister when he died in his uniform and everything else written since the accident has been about Officer Barnard. It also sucks that when you boil it down, this judge basically said that Pat's life was worth fifteen days. I wish that the world could piss on Mclean county's front porch. Chris, Mike - this burden will fall heavily to you two for now, until the day comes that we can all piss together. yes, together again... I need to go now, its time for bed and this guy is getting his hair cut and curled in a few hours, pictures may follow, or maybe not... whatever - I'm off. I highly suggest that anyone who ever meets the judge who I don't know his name, or Carlos Herrera-Juarez promptly slug them or kick them in the nuts. You'd do it if you loved your country. Larry Roberts is a hunter and a fisherman, I'm out. Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: Imagine (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 23rd, 2005
12:07 pm	lines on the floor and lines on my face... So I reflect on the day.... I had a cigar a little while ago, and it was good... relaxing. Cigar time seems to be one of those things among the male of our species when its just a cool time to sit and relax and talk about shit that does or doesn't matter... but its an honest vice. It seems to be a time when a group of guys can sit and just connect. Saturday night was my last night in California and me and my two uncles sat on the back porch, each with a cigar and his drink (Vodka Tonic if you must pry) and it was just a cool, honest moment.. well, half-hour. We talked about the trip, my aging uncle, Grandma.... my cousin who was visiting that had been in Iraq - they asked about my girlfriend and actually cared. It was really relaxing and almost... warm? The Cigar seems to represent the idea of "no bullshit" with most guys... If for some reason I ever opened a Gay bar... I think I would make it a Cigar bar. I know that some people would pervert it and that might provide some cheap laughter, but if the no bullshit cigar feeling works with homosexual men as well, I bet that would help some guys make a real connection. People are going to read this and think I'm joking but I'm serious. Damnit... I have to go back to work now. Its hot hot hot... and tomorrow is going to be hotter. YAY!!!!! Current Mood: White...? Current Music: Rockin the Suburbs (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 12th, 2005
11:43 am	The missed high-five and my growing contempt for the highway patrol... So, home for the summer... hanging out - thats cool. Me and my mom and dad went to the Sox game last week. David was gonna come too, but he was a jerkass and canceled literally when we were on the way down there, so we had to turn around and drop him off before we could continue on our adventure. We had really good seats, right behind the sox dugout and it was an awesome game. So the end of the game was approaching and the score was tied up in the bottom of the ninth inning when Jermaine Dye came up to the plate and hit a game winning homerun over the left field wall. An awesome way to win a good game. Anyways, to the point... as soon as it looked like the ball was going over the crowd went nuts and my dad was sitting on the opposite side of my mother when he got about half-way to giving me a high-five, and I just left him hanging there. There were two kids from Yorkville sitting in the row in front of us and it was clearly a big date-night into the city. The two of them looked really cute and were excited about being there and watching the game. The guy went crazy yelling and cheering at the end of the game, from him I did get the old fiver and it was heartbreaking and amusing to think that here this kid is, having one hell of a time and I really could give a shit about it all. I mean, I had fun and I'm glad I went - I just think that I'm ...jaded (?) from living near the city all my life. Back to the high five, I think that this is basically a metaphor for the way I feel like I've been with my dad. I love him, and I think that we have a good relationship but I feel like I've been less than the perfect son. I feel like I've left him hanging with a lot of things... I feel like, though I want to, I never go all the way with what I want us to do, or what I want to do with him etc etc... For Example: Scouting was a pretty huge part of my life so far. Basically, it was the one hobby that I saw through to the end. And looking back, I wish he had been more a part of it and I'm sure he does too - but its not his fault he wasn't there. When I was in cub scouts, he had to go out of town the weekend of the father-son bake-sale/fund raiser so my Uncle Bill came and helped me out and then when I went to the big boy- Scouts he had work too, but I kindof just assumed that he would be busy or wouldn't want to go. I don't know why I thought that... I wish I had the consideration to invite him more. I think I just assumed that if he wanted to go, he would somehow find out about it and be there... he'd always just known everything else. I could justify it to myself and say he would have been busy anyway, but ultimately its my fault that he wasn't there, because I didn't tell him I wanted him there, and I feel like he might have missed out on something because of me. So I don't know.... I just don't know... Oh yeah, and I got another speeding ticket on 90 coming back from Megan's wedding on memorial sunday. Coming downhill, I was going 80 in a 65... on an EXPRESSWAY in perfect driving conditions!!!! So yeah, I've paid the fine and now I need to attend driving safety school in Rockford. Speeding tickets are pretty stupid on an expressway... fuck! Current Mood: drippy? Current Music: Brooke and Cathy and Patters gabbing (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 19th, 2005
4:20 pm	No wonder I feel old... You Are 30 Years Old 30 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. What Age Do You Act? I can't believe I'm this old on the inside. A Psychic once said I had a very old soul, but I didn't know how right she was. Wow man, I'm gonna go take some other quizzes to find out more about myself. Oh, and to all - I work with a guy named Kevin, he is the President of our Park District's son. He is really cool to talk to, but he doesn't work for shit... and when I yell at him to do his job he thinks I'm joking... What do I do? Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: stupid kids yelling down the street (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 12th, 2005
10:28 pm	I found it!!!! I found my notes from Art and Music and I found my list of my ten favorite Greeks of all time. 10) Achilles, or however you spell that bitch's name 9) Tony Kukoc - because Croatia is practically a suburb of Greece 8) Oedipus - Come on, he killed his dad and did his mommy... I mean, the man has a complex named after him - awesome! 7) Athena - Fox!!! 6) Homer - his stories are too long 5) Uncle Jesse - look at that hair 4) Aristotle - ... I forget why... but I know he's smart 3) Plato - he wrote about my hero 2) Hercules - one word... Biceps, damn 1) Socrates!!! - for being awesome and a douche-bag at the same time... my hero And with that, I'm out.... more to follow - maybe something worth reading... who knows!?!? Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: The Daily Show w/ Al Roker (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 2nd, 2005
2:13 pm	rip out the binding and tear the glue... So I had a big journal entry written up a few days ago, but my laptop started being retarded so I needed to shut down and lost it... booo So, I'm on a new, or old laptop because when David was here a few weeks ago he found a way to spill a full bottle of water on my laptop. So after a few days of drying out, I got a replacement piece of junk. You keep on saying the past is not dead... and you're wrong, dead wrong. So that was me trying to incorporate the song I'm listening to into this journal, but I don't know where I'm going to take it. Speaking of being dead wrong, finals are rapidly approaching. And this semester, not unlike this journal entry has flown by, made some sense, and we'll all feel a little dumber at the end. I have taken two classes that I like this semester, the others' are all requirements of the wonderful CAP program. The two that I like; Understanding US History, and Revolutionary America both taught by a Mike Hughes look-alike and Packer loving New York native named Robert McGregor. He is awesome, I am so impressed by professors that can stand in the front of the room and just spout off knowledge and make it interesting for everyone in the class. There were both history majors and normies in these classes, and I didn't hear one complaint about his teaching styles or about materials... so take him. CAP Classes this semester; What is Power? - about how the American economy is going to shit, blames Walmart, Bush, Clinton, Stock-holders... etc. Attempting to inspire us to care and be activists... BioChem - General Science w/lab... dumbed down a little, basically review for all of my high-school science with a lot of busy work. I went to one lecture this semester. Writing in the Discipline - Here kids, write some crappy papers. And then write a paper about how to write a paper in your discipline, instead of actually writing a paper in your discipline.... gahhhhh I want it to be Spring break again, our trip was awesome. Me and the Molly took a road trip down southways. I'll be brief cause I'm sure I've told you most of it, but here is a quick summary of what we did. We went to Springfield MO, Mountain Home Arkansas, and we went walking in Memphis. The fun-filled trip included but was not limited to some heavy petting of exotic animals, riding through a cave with geriatrics and wee tots, Wax Museums, and indoor mini-golfing, it's called fishing not catching for a reason, an awesome dinner at the world famous Gaston's Resort, a head shop, a few Waffle Houses, some sleet filled camping, Graceland, Sun Studios, Beale Street, two drunken Piano players at a bar, the Rock and Soul Museum, some other stuff, and a long ass drive back to Chicago. It was so much fun. And now to look to the future, where in one week, I will be happily cutting the grass of Burbank's Parks once again. I hope it warms up a little before then. I'm currently avoiding studying by hoping to inform y'all about whats been going on in my life since the last time I updated a few months ago, I'm such an asshole about that. I mean, I have looked back, and there was a point when I was consistently updating once every ten days, roughly. I gotta say, my life isn't all that interesting. I mean if I took a snap shot of what things were like on February 23, and compared it to today there probably wouldn't be much new. My hair is a little shorter and I'm possibly a little bigger... which is how I've felt a lot lately. I don't think I'm obese, I'm big, I know this. I used to be bigger and I'd like to avoid heading back in that direction if I can. Its just that lately, I have felt... fat, a lot. A lot more than I would like to... so what I'm I doing about this? not much David and my parents came down the same weekend that Jon dropped by and it was fun, I felt bad though because me and J-Bogue-diddily didn't get to really spend any time together, just us. Not to be gay, but I really miss the man on man action we used to have... wow, gross - but yeah. I am looking forward to this summer and hanging out with some of the guys again. That weekend was Molly's play, which was good.. she played a fifteen year old which made me feel a little guilty for a few minutes... but then it was over and the guilt passed. Speaking of plays, me and Molly went Thursday and saw Les Miserables in Champaign at Assembly Hall. Naturally, it was amazing. I love that show, it is sooooo cool. I was really impressed and surprised by how nice they were able to make Assembly Hall look. I almost thought it was a real Theater venue for a few minutes. It was really good, with some of the same actors from the last time I saw it, so that was.... consistent. GAHHH I love that show! HAHAHAHA... I just bought Whatever And Ever Amen, the remastered version that just came out... and there are a few bonus tracks on it. I have Ben singing the Song For The Dumped in Japanese ...kindof. And it is hilarious! I really don't want to take my finals, but I should go study a little before I BS these essays in a few hours... yuck. I will be home in T-minus five days... and counting. The grass will be cut in six days and 18 hours!!! Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: Ben Folds Song For The Dumped (Japanese) (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005
3:13 pm	On my honor... Trustworthy - "A Scout tells the truth. He keeps his promises. Honesty is part of his code of conduct. People can depend on him." We trusted you to do everything that you could do and said you would do to protect the land and not sell it to developers. We trusted you when you said "sacrificing Hoover will save Owassipe". Loyal - "A Scout is true to his family, Scout leaders, friends, school, and nation." You have betrayed the trust we placed in you. You should have fought harder or kept us informed about the financial situation. Helpful - "A Scout is concerned about other people. He does things willingly for others without pay or reward." You have failed to help our cause sufficiently. What effort you did exert was not enough. How much do board members make yearly? Friendly - "A Scout is a friend to all. He is a brother to other Scouts." The board decided to sell the property quietly, and in some cases over the phone. I think a friend would be more considerate and do this openly and in person. A true friend stabs you in the front. Courteous - "A Scout is polite to everyone regardless of age or position. He knows good manners make it easier for people to get along together." Calling in the vote to sell our cherished Owassipe rather than showing some stones and doing it in person. Lying to us about being able to save Owassipe by selling Hoover. Not letting the scouts know yourselves rather than having them read it in the paper. These people are not very courteous at all. Kind - To repeat: selling our property when we weren't looking after having told us that it had been saved by the sacrifice of another well camped property of the Scouts'. This was not kind by a long shot. Obedient - "A Scout follows the rules of his family, school, and troop. He obeys the laws of his community and country." You were hired to look out for the Scouts, to do things in their best interests. The one thing that all of the council could agree on was that they did not want Owassipe sold. You have failed this directly. Cheerful - "A cheerful scout tries to make others happy." Who have you made happy? Not me, not one scouter I have spoken to. Thrifty - "A Scout works to pay his way and to help others. He saves for unforeseen needs. He protects and conserves natural resources. He carefully uses time and property." ~ Fuck you. Brave - "He has the courage to stand for what he thinks is right." Selling that property is selling out, it is abandoning what is right. Clean - No dirt has touched you, unless the phone that you called in your 'sell' vote from was soiled. Reverent - Do you think God wants that land to be developed into some subdivisions and summer homes for the Chicago elite? That is what is going to happen, in a few years. What about all of God's creatures who will perish because of your sale to 'wise' developers that agreed to put off the gutting of the property for a few years. Why oh why did you sell it? Such a disappointment you are. You have failed the Boy Scouts of the greater Chicago Area. ... no more words come close... you have failed~ Roger Current Mood: infuriated Current Music: fading echoes of "Sons of Owassipe" (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 3rd, 2005
1:06 pm	Memories... by the campfire Post a memory of me. It can be anything you want. Then post this in your journal. See what people remember about you... Current Mood: bored Current Music: NYPD Blue (18 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 1st, 2005
8:02 pm	The man in the glass... So instead of reading the thousand pages that I should for my classes. I chose to look around on here. While I was here I decided I wanted to update and I came up with this. I remembered this philosophy/poem from hearing my grandpa talk, and seeing it around his house a few years before he passed away. The 18th will be ten years since he died. I can't believe how quickly the time passes. Some things about him are so fresh in my mind, others are becoming blurred by time and watering eyes. Well, this is what I wanted to post. The man in the glass When you get what you want in this struggle for self and the world makes you king for a day Just go to a mirror and look back at yourself and see what that man has to say For it isn't your parents - your children - or wife Who judgment upon you must pass The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life Is the one staring back from the glass. Some people may think you a straight-shooting chum And call you a wonderful guy But the man in the glass say's you're only a bum If you can't look him straight in the eye. He's the fellow to please, nevermind all the rest For he's with you clear up to the end And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test If the man in the glass is your friend You may fool the whole world down the pathway of life And get pats on your back as you pass But your final reward will be heartache and tears If you've cheated the man in the glass. So yes, I've got nothing profound to add to this other than "yes". I would say that I am trying to live by this. I try not to be a dick to others, but more than that I try to remain true to the values that I hold dear for myself. Yes, so that is that. And I bought another Johnny Cash cd Solitary Man... not as badass as The Man Comes Around, but still good, and solid baby. Current Mood: groggy Current Music: Johnny Cash - The Mercy Seat (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 13th, 2005
1:00 am	And I'm standing here for all the world to see... Yeah, that's what's left of me. Yeah, so.... its been about six weeks since I updated. I will try and explain it to you... No, there is too much to explain, I will sum up. So, after the Turkey and such we went to the wake for Pat in Tremont on Sunday. It was obviously very emotional and stressful and sad. The worst part by far was seeing the tears in my father and uncle's eyes. So, I left the wake and went back to school. That night I drank two dinner glasses of Franzia and 6-7 shots of Captain in about 40 minutes... This is like therapy. So, needless to say, I blacked out from about 12 till 7. I'm told there was some projectile vomiting, but as I cannot remember it at all, I don't think it should go on my record. Finals came and went, they sucked. I broke up with Nicole because of my realization that I have some very strong feelings for Molly here at school. I still feel like a huge asshole for that because Nicole was a really sweet girl that I really liked. So, yes... I am most definitely sure of the feelings that I thought I had for Molly. Still kinda feel like a dick five weeks later, but I know that I made the right decision. Christmas was there. Santa came, and my family must have put a memo around cause I got a ton of hoodies and sweatshirts. So that was nice. I cleaned the bar at my house for my folks cause I couldn't find a job. It was amazing. The most booze I've ever seen outside of an actual bar. blah blah blah blah blah.... So some of the highlights from break... Any of the many trips downtown It was good to be back in the Bogue Basement MARY POPPINS! My sister Christy got engaged to an Augustana Alumn (Brian McKarin [sp? - I don't know]) I got to have lunch with a few of the guys from the Park District I got to buy some sweet gifts and watch people's reactions to them. I'm very tired all of the sudden, and I think I am gonna crawl into my already occupied bed and maybe kick someone out of it... ha! I'm going to fall asleep to the sweet sounds of Napoleon Dynamite....I will update much sooner than this one soon. ~ Roger Current Mood: weird Current Music: Napoleon Dynamite (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 25th, 2004
10:34 am	Green Day was wrong... Sometimes nice guys finish 1st, and way before they should. So, Big Poppa Pat... a policeman that was my Uncle Mike's partner and good friend and later transferred to work under my dad and dated my sister for a few months is dead. What the fuck!? Last night, he worked afternoons (3-11) and after work he was driving home to Tremont (near Peoria) and the roads were cleared but apparently still icy. So, according to all reports he saw a car swerve off the road ahead of him and pulled over to make sure that everyone was ok. When he was outside of his car, he was plowed down in a hit and run by some asshole that the police caught down the road a few miles trying to change his license plates. Fucking worthless shitheads... How do you drive away from that!? Gahhh... this is why I hate people So, I wasn't terribly close with him... but the rest of my family was... my dad and my uncle drove down there around 4 this morning to be with his family and make sure that the assholes who did it get prosecuted to the fullest extent of everything they deserve. Fuck... Why do shitty things happen to good people? I don't know what else to say... my brother just woke up, so my mom is gonna tell him... I gotta go Current Mood: GAhhhhhhh Current Music: Parade (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, November 19th, 2004
3:44 pm	Oh captain, my captain! So, I'm observing classrooms now. I was sitting in the back of Mrs. Douglas's class the other day, and she was giving her kids a test... or a silent study period -something quiet and not worth seriously observing. So, I wrote a few notes to people... but then got bored and I thought to myself: Self, I think its about time you wrote some more bad poetry for your followers to relish in. It started out as something to keep myself busy, and then I almost liked it... and then it turned into a hippity-hop song.... which sucks. Oh well, without further delay... I give you STOLEN POEM Original Thought so hard to find What you think is yours, I think is mine Modern day songstress feelin nothin but the stress Trying not to plagiarize the feelings that she feels inside So much has come before no more new windows no more new doors Take broken records give it a scratch There is a new, old, overused batch The kiddies dance 1, 2, 3 Everybody sing along with me Yo, everybody raise your hands Me- I'm gonna take a stand a stand for the music, the music Oh DJ spin that music Beats, you make me tremble way on down to the bone I'll leave with one, though I came alone I feel that pulse under my skin Oh DJ, DJ do it again Make us groove to the music Make us move out on the floor I am movin from the windows to the door To the door, To the door cause I just picked up a whore Oh Lordy she's so fine makes me feel like cryin I cry out in the night Our rhythm feels so right She gonna make me beg and crawl DJ spin it while I scrawl some lines, in time DJ beat: 1,2,3 cause everybody looks at me I'm gonna break it down and build it up Internal rhyme - that's easy but saying something can be awful tough my words are mine and thats enough for me, Don't take them - back away Don't steal my song just let me play I play whats mine my words are true On my honor, I swear they're new What of it? You want a fight? I'll go, I'm game this cause is through So much for original tonight. WOW, ok... I'm sorry for wasting your time with that... but I wrote it and needed to do something with it. wow... Alright - moving on. GO SEE NAPOLEON DYNAMITE!!! I realize I am about five months late with this, but I just saw it at the cheap theater now... I've seen it twice and I will own it the day it comes out. One of the most hilarious movies I've ever seen... and its clean too. Gosh! Oye... I am done, the week is over. I'll be home for Thanksgiving Wednesday night around 7ish. Comment if you want to get together over my short break PEACE yo! ~ Roger Current Mood: satisfied Current Music: The stupid beat that plays in my head with that poem thing (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 15th, 2004
7:13 pm	Well, I found a justification for smokin pot.... There is a new study that was just previewed on Fox News that suggests that those who spend long hours in front of a computer screen are more likely to develop Glaucoma. Come on college kids... grab the bowl and roll a fat one with me! I don't know... my girlfriend and her roomie want me to update. Thats right, I said girlfriend. Nicole at Champaign, out of MacCauley. I might have spelled that wrong but... oh well. Odds are I've told you about her. And if not... ask Today I got my rough draft of my Prostitution paper back. Its so hard for me to write objectively about it. When I started writing it, I really didn't care one way or another about Prostitution being legal. However, after pouring over hours of research; articles, scholarly journals, law statutes, and of course the bible- I found it incredibly difficult to remain unbiased and this is probably going to be my toughest task in proofreading. While I still don't think that I would ever be a patron to a whore house, post-research... it just makes so much sense to legalize it. I won't get into that on here... because... frankly I'm sick of it. Tomorrow I start my days of skipping class to observe a teacher at one of the local high schools. "Southeast Springfield High School"... could be fun. The teacher I'm watching seems pretty cool, I met her friday. She is a very young looking forty-something african american woman. I don't know, I only talked to her for a brief moment, but she seemed like she would be a good teacher to watch. I don't know what else I have to say here... I really am just feeling completely unmotivated right now, even more than usual... a fall break sure would be nice right about now. BUT NOOOOOOO, UIS doesn't believe in Fall Break. We get two days off and we'll be happy about it... Grrr I can't wait for winter break. I hope I get to work again, cause I don't want to have to find a shitty part time X-mas job. That would suuuuck! Grrrrr... I don't know what else I have to say... nothing I think I am gonna go for a walk. I want a cigar, the kind that my Uncle Bob used to smoke... I need to know what they are. I'm becoming an old man, Till I need to drink ensure ~ Roger Current Mood: anxious Current Music: Law and Order (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004
11:57 pm	Put your money where your mouth is... So Megan wants me to update... Well, I have no choice but to try and please my audience. Here goes... I've heard a lot of people saying, and mostly they are women, mothers.... "If Bush get re-elected, I'm picking up my family and we are moving to Canada" - Go. Put your money where your mouth is. If you are going to be so childish to threaten to walk out of the country because the election didn't go your way, I just hope you've got the grapes to stand up and walk out. A few of them have threatened their own personal defection to avoid a possible draft. First, in the debates, Bush clearly stated that there were no plans in the works for a draft, and explained how there would no longer be any wars with massive armies. Wars of the future will more than likely be fought by small specialized forces, using high tech weapons. Second, why would you threaten that... Do you expect me to change my vote in an effort to keep your stubborn childish ass in this country? I voted for Bush... not that it matters - Illinois is all but a lock for democrats regardless. I have no problem with going to war in Iraq. I think he's doing a decent job as president. There are a lot of things about his administration that I disagree with, but overall I think he's doing a decent job. I did not vote for John Kerry because I have absolutely no idea what kind of job he would have done. I seriously don't know how he felt about so many things. Looking back threw his history - There was absolutely no indication as to how he would act in the future. Honestly both candidates sucked - it was again an election of who sucked less. Even those who hate Bush will tell you that if nothing else, he has been consistent. Consistently stupid, consistently Bush...whatever... the point is, I felt like between him and Kerry, he was the one that I had some idea what he wanted to do. As I agreed at least somewhat with what Bush wants to do and with the job he is doing, Bush was the candidate I voted for. Pack your bags kids, Canada's about to get a busload of whiny bitches.... ~ Roger Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: The Wall (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 19th, 2004
4:00 pm	somebody slap me.... So, I just took my Intro to Ed final and I think I did alright... 60 multiple choice, 5 short answer, and 2 essays.... One of my essays was about the difference between Education and Schooling... I opened with Twain, always a favorite: "I have never let my schooling interfere with my education" and my last sentence was golden.. Education is our understanding of everything that has passed, and schooling is what prepares us for the future. I love myself so much. Someone smack me, take me down a peg or two. Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: some crap on TV (4 Comments |Comment on this)